As part of my “weird crap my students say” series, these are just from teaching in South Korea. They needed a category of their own.

July 29, 2012

Asked my class where all the boys are. The tiniest, cutest girl says, “Oh teacha, I kill them. All of them.” Then gave a big smile.

I can only cry 3 times in my life: When I’m born, when my parents die, and when the world is destroyed.

July 16, 2012

(As I’m walking home from school) “Jared-uh!!! You are American Idol. Forever!”

June 18, 2012

One student said this in class learning about Father’s Day: “My dad is fat but then he went on diet and now he is very hard.”

June 12, 2012

Had my students create dialogues out of vague situations and then perform 2 minute plays. Here is the best whole class example.

Situation: Going to the bathroom.

(They got to pick 4 random people) They chose: Obama, Lee Myung-bak (President of S. Korea), Jared Teacher, Kim Jong Un.

Kim Jong Un: Hello!
Lee Myung-bak: What are you doing?
Kim Jong Un: I went poo poo.
Jared Teacher: Wow!!
Obama: Good job!

End scene.

 

June 4, 2012

When having the students explain why a skunk could kill a chimpanzee (for an animal wars tournament), one student said the skunk could win, “because it smells like Jared.” Then I taught them about deodorant and realized they had never heard of it. So now I say they smell bad.

May 23, 2012

The dress attire for teachers at my school is so weird. Some are wearing suits, some polos, some dresses, and there’s a teacher wearing a shirt with a cat with a princess crown on it.

May 15, 2012

On my way to class, I told my co-teacher that this particular one was probably my least favorite because they never speak. We get to class and after a couple minutes of them not answering any of my questions, he TELLS them in Korean our entire conversation!

May 14, 2012

To relate to Mother’s Day, I had my students come up with different ways they help their mothers. Last class said, in unison, they they help there mothers by plucking out all of their grey hairs. “It’s Korean tradition.”

April 24, 2012

Here’s part of a letter a student of mine wrote. ” You look very handsome. I think you look like hamesome King Kong. Teacher is good at speak English.”

This was supposed to be a letter about which country they would like to visit.

April 23, 2012

On my way out of school; a boy yelled out of the 3rd floor window, “Teacher teacher! Kiss meeeeeeee!!” I yelled, “No!”. Then he got angry and yelled, “Kiss meeeeee!” again. He kept repeating and yelling it until I was out of sight.

April 16, 2012

Things I’ve learned about where my students would like to travel: They want to go to Somalia to see pirates; Canada to eat/drink maple syrup; Greece to meet Zeus; and North Korea to punch Kim Jong Un.

“America is famous for black people”

April 8, 2012

Had my students describe their family. One student says his father looks like Joseph Stalin.

March 30, 2012

Had my Saturday students form a band and write a song. This group called, ‘Coconut’ wrote this gem of a song.

Title: “Oh! Oh! Oh!”

Verse:

Is grandmother there?

Is grand father there? Speak loud!

Say oh! oh?

Jared You oh! say ho! ho! ho!

We are coconut! I’m oh! Robert Hayden

Richard and French Fry don’t cry don’t cry

trash

Chorus:

Grandmother there? Oh! oh!

grandfather there? oh! oh!

Yeah! Oh! oh! oh!

Yeah! Robert Hayden Richard and French Fry

don’t don’t cry we are good friends

March 16, 2012

Came into my last class and said, ‘Hola’. Instantly 4 boys got up and did their own Korean version of the cha-cha dance.

March 13, 2012

Have a girls class where some decided to call themselves Jesus, Bella, and Lady Gaga.

I also have boys named Mr. Ham, Zombei, November Rush, Potato, and 3 or 4 McDonalds

February 12, 2012

had my students choose English names, one boy picked, ‘Parker’ and everyone started laughing. I asked why and they thought he picked the name, ‘fucker’.

Also, I now have girls who decided to call themselves, ‘Virus’, ‘Adidas’, ‘K-Swiss’, and ‘Black Yak’.

January 16, 2012

Had my students make an advertisement for a restaurant. The best one was definitely “K-Popcorn”.

January 12, 2012

Today some teachers took me out to lunch with them. We get to the car and I asked a teacher if students get excited about sitting in the front seat. They said something that resembles yes, and I said that in America we call it, “riding shotgun”. She looked at me scared and said, “OH! Very dangerous!”

December 16, 2011

Alright just witnessed high schoolers break a window, and the biggest kid (and trouble-maker) in school tore off a huge slab of pointed glass. Needless to say I ran downstairs and got everyone I could find to help. Really scary. Now I get to go home early!

December 7, 2011

I’m teaching my kids about American music this week, and the kids wanted to listen to Justin Bieber (an all boys class). I told them it’s weird because in America, “girls like Justin Bieber but boys hate Justin Bieber, in Korea girls love Justin Bieber and boys love Justin Bieber”. Right after I said that a Korean boy yelled, “GAY!!!!”

December 1, 2011

Taught my 2nd grade high schoolers how to give advice. I gave them scenerios and they had to come up with advice. Their advice for everything, no matter what was, “KILL THEM, FIGHT, HIT, or SUICIDE!!”

November 29, 2011

Had my classes create a menu for a made up restaurant. The classes vote on their favorite restaurant. The winner of the last class was, ‘KKK Kebabs’.

November 28, 2011

Asked my principal what he did this weekend. He said that tried out a new golf course. He then proceeded to tell me that trying out a new golf course is like being a geisha or like “sex” for the first time.

November 16, 2011

Last speaking test of the week. Today’s topic was: ‘If you could be another person, who would you be?” In my all-girls class the instant that was written on the board, a girl yelled, “BOY!!!!”

November 13, 2011

The students have speaking tests all week. First class topic: ‘Which country would you like to go to and why, give details’. So far the best (as far as humorous) is:

“I want to go to America, cause there’s lots uhhh sexy lady!”

October 31, 2011

Taught my middle schoolers the food pyramid in English. I then asked them to brainstorm their favorite healthy and unhealthy foods. For the unhealthy foods they included beer, soju (for the Americans who don’t know this is a very popular vodka-like drink), whiskey, and Makgeolli (rice wine). I teach a bunch of 14 year old alcoholics.

October 24, 2011

“Do you uhhh eatuhhh breakfastuhhhh?”
“Yes I do”
“What do you eatuhhh?”
“Usually cereal. Why do you ask?”
“Becausahhhh Koreans, eat breakfastuhhhh” (awkward stare and walks away)

October 17, 2011

Just walked by a Korean kid on the sidewalk. When he saw me he yelled, “SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!!!!!”

September 29, 2011

I had a class break up into teams and write out their team name and draw a mascot. One team was, “Sexy on the Beachy”. Their mascot was naked women and penis sharks on the beach.

September 27, 2011

I asked my class to vote on what the best super power is. They picked Santa Clause. This is an all-girls class. I then showed them a picture of what Santa looks like, and they were all mortified.

September 23, 2011

A teacher just gave us beer and fried chicken in school.

September 21, 2011

So for my Korean Teacher’s class I was supposed to teach them how to say, “Where is…. It is on…..” but instead we talked about the movie Seven, what the deadly sins are and the different ways of saying the word prostitute, talked about derogatory terms you shouldn’t say to minorities (they wanted to know), talked about propaganda, the the political spectrum, and Kim Jong Il.

Well that didn’t go as planned

September 16, 2011

September 15, 2011

Just went out into the hallway and there’s two kids on their knees against the wall and my co-teacher slapped one in the head.

 

 

 

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