The point of this post is to show the absurdity of teaching and the hilarity behind it.

This will base off my career so far which started in 2010-2011 (student teaching). From 2011-2012 I taught in South Korea, and since 2012 I have taught in the Dearborn, MI area in both charter and public schools.

No names will be used other than my own. Enjoy!

November 23, 2016

nov-23-2016-no-shave-november

November 2, 2016

One of my AP students randomly asks,

“Are sharks real?”
“Yes, why?”
“You never hear about them so I didn’t think they’re real.”
“You know there’s a shark week right?”
“Yeah, I thought those were just reruns of Jaws movies.”
~blank stare~

Later in class,
“Are reindeer real?”

October 24, 2016

maynard-sensei-oct-24-2016

One of my former students drew this. Since I taught in Korea someone made an anime picture of me titled “Maynard Sensei”. Since then I get a lot of stuff like this (even though I did karate in 4th grade only).

 

October 24, 2016

Today in my government class learning about judiciary review:

“Whoa, man, are Jews in charge of the Judicial branch too? Like, Jew-dicial. Man they run everything!”

September 29, 2016

A student decided that my spirit animal is a “Jumbo Shrimp”. It has taken off from there.

September 20, 2016

An interpretation of what happened during Bacon’s Rebellion.

April 27, 2016

A student trying to get tips for the AP U.S. History final

March 23, 2016

March 2, 2016

 

February 24, 2016

Student 1: I have a stigmatism in my eye.
Student 2: I don’t get how black people know things. Like how can they figure out where things are, and how do they know what tables are and stuff?
~everyone stares as I look at him mortified~
Me: what are you talking about?
Student 2: Why’s everybody looking at me? I don’t get how they get around and, like, know things.
Me: Black people?
Student 2: No, blind people. What did I say?
Class in unison: Black people!

January 15, 2016

That moment when you get after your students for phones going off in class and it turns out it’s your phone and your mom texting you. Thanks for distracting my class mom.

January 12, 2016

Things I learned today about my fellow white men (as told by an after school make up course of non-white students)

-We are mental
-We like to shoot up schools
-We like to shoot little kids
-We think our sisters are attractive
-When we don’t shower we smell like bologna
-We like NASCAR
-We think we own everything
-We always speak in proper grammar and hate people who don’t
-We hate our parents so much we want to shoot them
-We all own guns

Stereotypes, am I right? *facepalm*

January 4, 2016

A Christmas gift

December 18, 2015

Christmas presents! Inspired by Elf.

December 11, 2015

Got this from a kid

December 9, 2015

Had my formal observation today. During it a student stopped and said, “Mr. Maynard, I want to thank you for putting the question on the board and being the best teacher ever.” Then starts coughing and looking at the administrator to make sure she heard it.

November 3, 2015

You tried?

October 16, 2015

I had to break up two boys passionately arguing about Meryl Streep.

September 18, 2015

In  AP US History  we are learning about the Puritans. When reading a document, I asked the kids basically what the Puritans were trying to accomplish. A student then said that the Puritans were “trying to spread their Christian seed across America.” Later in class he finished his assignment early and wanted to draw something. He then made it look the the Puritan boats were sperm going to the egg of America.

June 1, 2015

“Sexism is bad, and bad is good for women” is something I heard today.

May 27, 2015

Classy

May 15, 2015

Here’s one way to answer a question

May 7, 2015

I was just told I look like Bubba from Forrest Gump and a student just did the Macarena.

 

April 25, 2015
Here’s one way to start an essay
April 22, 2015

Found out a student is suspended for 180 days for having a knife out in class.

What was the knife for? Steak. A kid pulled out a steak in class and started eating it.

 

March 6, 2015

French Revolution project

January 20, 2015

When you teach in an old Spanish room

October 24, 2014

My students were filling out a map of Latin America and Asia to prepare for learning the Spanish American War. They had trouble finding Panama so I told them it’s a Van Halen song. Then a student goes, “Yeah, isn’t that the girl who couldn’t see or talk?” So I guess Van Halen is Helen Keller?

September 19, 2014

A random kid walked in my room and started dancing while repeating, “sausages” over and over.

September 15, 2014

Teaching 6th grade is different than the 9th graders I teach. For example, today a 6th grader pulled out a tooth, set it down, then finished his quiz. It was hardcore.

September 3, 2014

Something nice

May 29, 2014

While simulating the Cuban Missile Crisis, the student playing John F. Kennedy asked if he could, “simulate being with Marilyn Monroe instead.”

May 27, 2014

Learning about the arms/space race today. A student asked (in all seriousness), “You know how the astronauts walked on the moon? How come we can’t do that here on Earth?”

 
April 14, 2014
Student tip of the day: The best way to fall asleep within 30 seconds is to flex every muscle in your body at once. “You’ll pass out quick”.
April 3, 2014
“Didn’t Hitler discover the human body?” was something asked in my class today.
March 11, 2014
A couple weeks ago I had my students simulate the stock market crash of 1929 by buying and selling fake stocks with fake money in class. One student took that skill and invested in a real stock and is going to sell it for a profit of over $600.
February 24, 2014
Only at my school can you say that you’re going on your honeymoon in Jamaica and a kid will say, “Why Jamaica? Iraq is so much better!”
February 14, 2014
Back around October my students had a poster project and I put good ones on the wall. One student asked if he could keep all of them. I said, “Not right now (gives weird look). Why?” He said that he wanted to make a sword. When I took them down he took them home. Yesterday, he gives me something wrapped in a cloth. It is a full working sword made out of the posters, wrapped in tin foil. It is now called, “The Student Slayer”.
December 19, 2013
This was an assignment for why America joined WWI
December 18, 2013
A student gave me a present so I left the box on my desk. Midway through a student said “Mr. Maynard, I touched your box so now a part of me is always inside you.”
November 14, 2013
Come at me bro!
November 10, 2013
Here’s one way to suck up

 

Advertisements